No Pain, No Gain/Transcript
:: : : Okay. Let's really turn it up! [Starts exercising] One and two and three and four. : : Blazes. I'm outta shape. [Falls down to the floor.] I'm not the wallaby I used to be. : : [Stares at Rocko.] Hey, fatso! Let's go! I'm not doing this for my health! [Steps back.] Okay. Power jumping jacks. Ready? Begin. :: : : Hey, Rocko! Man, you got color. : : Come on in, Heff. : : Got any... [Falls through a hole created by his weight.] : : You okay? : : Uh huh. : : [Sits on the floor.] You know, Heffer? We're both really outta shape. I'm huffing upstainrs and you're getting...well... : : Fatter? : : Well... : : Say no more, Rock. That's why I got these. [Shows two passes to the Flambe le Flab health spa.] Two complementary passes to the new health spa, where you sweat in luxury. : : Flambe le Flab? [Daydreams about winning a race and running toward the finish line.] Okay. Let's do it! :: : : Wow, Heff! Look at this place! [Both Rocko and Heffer start running.] : : [Falls down.] : : We gotta get memberships here. : & : Not so fast. Hold it there. Entry into Flambe is very exclusive. Yeah, exclusive. We are used to a certain clientele. Certainly. Every move is graded on this chart. Right here on this chart. If I were you, I'd find another outfit? Very tacky. Extremely attire. '(Both: Minus ten.)' dash away. :: : : My shorts are chafing me. : : Heffer. You're here to lose that big gut, not eat. : : The more I eat, the more weight I get to lose. : : Okay, people. Let's go. Let's square. Don't just stand there like slugs on a cabbage! [Swings up to his stage.] Hi, everybody. First of all, I want you all to give yourselves a big hand for just being here. [The audience being instructed claps.] Can we have a great big hug? A big group hug. Come on! [Audience hugs each other, aside from Rocko and Heffer.] All right, it's party time! Get those bodies warmed up. Let's go! And a one and a two and on your backs. [Instructor falls on his back.] Now, grab your tushies and pedal. Let's go. [Audience falls on their backs and pedal with the instructor.] Now, shake those arms and sweat and sweat. : : Hey. This is sorta fun, eh, Heff? : : Yeah. Big fun. : : And five and six and stretch and stretch. Come on, let me see that sweat, let me see that sweat coming out! [Heffer steps back and away from the scene.] And three and four and five... : : [Sweating anxiously.] They're trying to kill me. : : Now turn. Oh, you all are doing fantastic. Side and side and... [looks at Rocko.] Oh, yoo-hoo, kangaroo boy! Yeah, you with the little flabby tail. Now, don't hide in the back. Come on closer and join the party! And five and six, now move those buns, and squeeze, squeeze, squeeze. Yeah! : : Blimey, Don't they ever stop? [Weakened, he falls down, but then gets kicked by the other members across the room.] : : It's flying time! [Catches Rocko.] Oh, hello. [Throws Rocko into the basketball net.] Yeah! : : Minus twenty points. :: : : Wow! Look at everybody building better bodies. :: : : C'mon, Heff. Let's work on our pecs. Why don't you try that one over there? [Points toward an exercising machine.] : : Ooh. I like it. I like it. : : Okay. I'll try this one. [Looks at the creature lifting a weight from the "Elektrik Chairmaster".] This looks simple enough. :: : : Will there be anything else, sir? : : Yeah. [Holds up chopsticks.] These plastic things can't cut my burrito. [Looks at a singed Rocko.] What happened to you? You been to the tanning salon? :: : : How about some rowing, Heff? Okay? : : Okay. : : [Hops onto the rowing machine.] Ooh. African Queen. That should be nice. [Rowing machine erroneously picks 'Deliverance'.] Hey! I didn't pick this. [Rowing Machine: Good Luck.] : : Here comes another one of them sissy exercisin' city boys sneaking up our river. : : [Screams as the screen shows that he's "falling" off a waterfall, and then getting soaked with water.] : : [Two cowboys throw spears at Rocko.] Now we gonna make you squeal, piggy. [Holds up a pig, then tickling it with a feather.] : : [Runs away from the rowing machine, screaming.] : : Man, I feel 100% more healthy. [Eats popcorn, then looks at suspicious-looking Rocko.] You don't look so good. : : Well, boys. You are not faring well on our charts. : : Eating and misuse of equipment is seriously frowned upon here. : : Minus fourty points. : : C'mon, Heffer. :: : : Oh no. [Stretches on the scale.] I gained 200 pounds. I just can't do it, Rocko. I'm bored with "Flab Flambeing". [Pulls out a sandwich and tries to eat it.] : : [Takes away Heffer's sandwich.] Hey! Gimme that! How 'bout some basketball? That's not boring. : : What about lunch? :: : : C'mon, Heff. Try and get by me. :: : : That's gonna cost you some'' ''big points. :: : : Hey! How about a swimming race? Loser buys lunch. [Jumps into the pool.] Woohoo! [Shakes his head.] C an'mon, Heff! Water's great! Heffer? :: : : Heffer, you're really starting to tick me... [Interrupted by Chuck.] : : Tsk. Tsk. Leon? : : Yeah. Tsk. Mm-hmm. : : Three tsks. : : That's a tsk all the way! : : Triple tsks. :: : : What does this thing do? : : Let me tell you something--this machine is worth more than you. You hear me? It's not for beginners. : : Oh, yeah? [Enters the machine and encourages himself to use it.] Come on, you'll show 'em. :: : : Rocko? :: : : Hey, Chameleon Brothers. Come here. This guy's hogging up the mirror. Cries. I can't see myself. : : This isn't gonna look good on your chart, Rocko. : : Yeah, and your friend ain't making out so good neither. :: : : Boy, I can really use a cool one now. I'll treat even. : : How about springing for a couple of fruit smoothies, piano man? : : Well, here's to our future healthy bodies. [Tries to cheer with glasses, but accidentally breaks Rocko's glass, then drinking his own.] Spilled your drink, huh? Here, boy. I'll get you a towel. [Rips towel from Bev.] : : Ow! : : Hey! I thought you had to wear towels in here. : : I'm nude! [Shocked by the fact, she hides in the piano and runs away from the sauna.] : : Holy enchilada! [Bev runs over Chuck and Leon with the piano still on her while she runs off.] : : Nice going, Heffer. I guess we can kiss our membership here goodbye. : : I'm sorry, Rock. I thought you were only here 'cause you were concerned about my health. : : I'm sorry. : : Mrs. Bighead just plowed us with a piano. : : And I bet a dollar to a donut hole it was your fault, fat boy. : : We'd like you to leave. : : Ups-a-daisy, eighty-six. Go. : & : NOW! :: : : Hey, hey, hey, hey! Rocko. Where are you going? : : You don't need to go. You can be in our exclusive club. : : I'm in? : : Sure. Yes. : : [Waves at Rocko.] : : What about Heffer? : : Ha! Heffer? Ha, ha, ha, ha! : : Fat boy's gotta go. : : I can't join without my friend. : : Listen, Rocko. He's not cool and hip like us. : : Rocko, Rocko, Rocko. You no wanna be hanging with big, fat, bovine dork man. : : [Shoves Chuck and Leon away and walks towards Heffer.] That bovine dork is my best friend. And if he's not good enough for your club, I'm not good enough. :: : : We don't need some hoity-toity health club to stay in shape, eh, Heff? : : No way, man. :: : : Care for another slice of pizza? : : I'm feeling the burn. : : You should blow on it first. The cheese is hot. Category:Season 1 Transcripts Category:N